with your own penis?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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