Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
