ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
