escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
