C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
