yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
