What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I can't turn off my feet"
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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