please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
