meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
