FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
