need another drink. this is the easiest way
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
