Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
