I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
