This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
