Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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