So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
