I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
