Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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