Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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