im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
