I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
