I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
