3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
