I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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