I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
