It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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