We won't sleep together?
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
