Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
