threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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