you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
