So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
