I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
