I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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