so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
