I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
