There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
