oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
