Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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