i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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