yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
