redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
