Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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