I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
