do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
