haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
