They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
