Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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