also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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