I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
