I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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