Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
