I accidentally had phone sex last night
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
