remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
