He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Randomize
