Im at strip club and am horny
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
